CBS Breaking News- Obama figures out new way to fund Obamacare.

CBS Breaking News, Our Savior and Messiah, after much contemplation and smoking (cigarettes only we're sure) has not only developed the technology behind this revolutionary idea, but at the same time has basically killed two birds with one stone.

As Lord Obama said, we all know the last 20 or 30 years of life can be such a burden to not only ourselves, but to those around us as well. Why should anyone have to watch any of us grow old? I mean, it's disgusting isn't it? Things start getting all wrinkly and saggy, then there's the gray hair, if you're lucky enough to keep some of it.

No, not a one of us should be burdened with the life experience of knowing the difference between right and wrong and bitching about it out loud. None of us should have to know the experiences of aches and pains. We shouldn't be allowed to experience the joy of a grandchild's birth, because in doing so we only doom them with pain if they grow old enough to know us and have to mourn our death.

Our Messiah has developed what is sure to be a popular hobby with the old, infertile, or just those sick of being bothered with the nuisance we all have to experience in life.

Yes, why not rid ourselves of the worries of day to day life. How much will this cost you ask? Only a quarter! 25 cents!

Now how can the messiah afford to give us this luxury at such a low cost?

No, it's not being forced out of your private medical coverage as soon as you want to change policies or jobs. it's simple. If your medical care costs exceed $500 in one month you'll be expected to show your smiling face at the nearest Suicide Booth. If you go willingly Obama has promised the government will only seize about 87% of your assets, however if you do not go willingly you'll be charged 105% of your net worth per year that you refuse to go. Your children, family and friends will be expected to cover anything you're short on. It's only fair right?

No longer will Obama let you go on suffering or making others suffer. Obama is the messiah, the light, knower of all good things, right? He can do no wrong, right?