Billion Dollar Harvard Study reveals cause of all death. Liberals have solution.

While just a young Senator from Illinois, two years ago, between his active voting of "present" at every opportunity imaginable, Senator Barack Hussein Obama got behind this controversial study done by his former Alma Mater.

With the help of ACORN, AEIU, the Tides Foundation and George Soros, Obama was able to find the billion dollars in tax revenues necessary to find the one true cause of death.

In an emotionally torn state, even though President Bush was already spending the country into it's first mountain of debt, Senator Obama was the angelic catalyst that found the money necessary to fund this life changing study. If not for his brave stance with his vote of "Other than present", we would not have the answer to a question which has eluded millions of scholars throughout the centuries.

It was originally estimated that the study would take at least a decade or more. But the Harvard professors, through their utter brilliance, strength, courage and perseverance; were able to complete the study in less than a year, and they came $100 under budget. Saving at least 10 US taxpayers the cost of two Starbucks this week. We should be proud of such sacrifice.

Now some of you may be thinking the cause of all death is "42". While this is a noble effort on your part, you can't expect yourself to compare to the intelligence of a Harvard Professor, they can become President, you cannot. That is the answer to life, the universe and everything stupid. See what I mean? You're just too stupid to be able to find this impossible answer. But with sweat on their brows, courage in their hearts and two buildings full of computers, these Harvard professors did.

The answer was simple, elegant and terrifying all at the same time. Are you ready for it?

LIFE.

Yes, after centuries of confusion you and I finally know the true cause of all death in the world. It's not cancer, heart disease, AIDS or even red meat and soda pop. Sorry veggies. Yes, the cause of all death is in fact Life it very self.

First to hear the news, President Obama has decided to declare a quiet war on death. First by funding abortions all over the world. Not being born will save countless millions of children, adults and elderly from every experiencing death for themselves. Next in his war on Death; Obama is working hard to bring us Cuban style medical care. Guaranteed to kill at least 38% of those so selfish to only bring more death upon us all by wanting more life. Next on the war on death agenda are ignoring the borders and Afghanistan. Obama sees a way to swiftly bring a halt to more death after sacrificing more of our brave troops. Their fight to the death is actually a fight against death in Obama's eyes. If you're having a hard time understanding this strategy you're a stupid fool. You see, only a Harvard, or maybe a Yale, professor could possible understand such a brilliant move on the part of Obama. Our brave messiah.

Insiders estimate that within the next 50 years Obama can actually bring death to a standstill.